What Is The Things They Start To Chew First
while writing another letter to Helen and watching Jeopardy at the same time
The Celetano Brothers invented frozen pizza.
The pantry is now yelling at me.
I dare you to use the words Frankie Yankovick
in a sentence
fuck this trivia
I’ll take why did Helen leave me
for a thousand Alex
Mojo is ketchup in Cuba.
Can minnows survive in marinara sauce?
What the hell is a 60’s twist?
if you’ll wash my windows
for scrambled eggs
I will paint your house
because it’s cold
in this diner alone
and our love slides off the fork like that
we belong on the same menu
Who is the Silver Surfer.
What are you doing tonight?
What is the longest goddamned day of my life.
my hall pass has
steep feelings for
your hall pass
you loved me in a way
that made a shitty day
feel like a hot towel
but now flowers sprout from the lies
of your naughty bits
Clairol vs. Loreal.
How could I forget the wonder bra?
How many Beatles albums did they sell in Britain?
still, despite everything
you are the sound in my head laughing
every time I walk into a bar
and the juke box is playing a song by Belly
I am as old as a disposable razor.
a disposable razor who loves you.
these are the confessions
of vampire unicorns
and warm chicken soup
(originally publishing in Illiterate Magazine)