I Feel Mr. Bad For Mr. Big

8 Feb

Paul Natkin Archive

I Feel Mr. Bad For Mr. Big

 

Mr. Big sold its song

‘To Be With You’

to Wendy’s

 

and then Wendy’s

changed the lyrics

to be about hamburgers

 

and that made me sad

 

because I don’t eat hamburgers anymore

 

that song has moved

beyond something

I can relate to

 

‘to’ or ‘too’?

‘be’ or ‘bee?

you or you?

 

Motley Crue recently turned

‘Home Sweet Home’ into a lousy

Property Insurance Company

commercial

 

and that made me sad too

 

because I don’t own any property

and am thus incapable

of becoming nostalgic

over the peace of mind

that must come

from knowing that if your goddamn house

burns down

you’re both melodically

and financially

covered

 

Tommy Lee running for his drum kit

after just having played the piano

is now paced to the beat

of flexible monthly premium rates

 

I don’t understand

 

 

Where did Diet Vanilla Pepsi go?

 

Where the hell’s its goddamn

hair metal band theme song?

 

why am I always getting

so goddamn beat down

about things like this?

 

the world contains billions of people

with insurance

and burned down houses

 

who are still in love

with their high school

cheeseburgers

 

and probably prefer

the brand new commercialized versions

to the originals

 

because hell,

 

we’re all just one

lousy tour of Japan away

from becoming a fast food commercial

 

so it’s easier, maybe

believing that

 

if something you care about

burns down

you can easily replace it

 

affordably priced

hamburgers

need love too

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