Archive | February, 2016

The World Is Burning My Dick Off

21 Feb

apple

The World Is Burning My Dick Off

 

The world is burning my dick off!

 

It’s too much

most times, goddamn it!

It’s too much!

 

but then I see she’s painted her fingernails

dark blue

and remember

how she can’t fall asleep

without the fan on

just like I can’t fall asleep

 

I can’t fall asleep that way too!

 

she saves spiders!

 

and we share coleslaw

that has apples in it

for some reason

 

or if not apples

at the very least

something similar

that is apple-based

 

while together we wonder

why anyone would mix apples

with coleslaw

 

to begin with

 

these combinations

which occur daily

they seem most times

 

to be inspired by madness!

 

they seem at most times

at the very least to be

 

unabridged-ly

at all times

insane!

 

the other day I realized

that I’m already older

than Kafka

 

and that love is already

older than bugs

 

and that time is a microwave oven

with the button that says ‘popcorn’

meticulously/almost all the time

 

broken

 

you can’t shut the damn thing off!

everything is just everywhere!

everything pops!

 

love is older than bugs

and she saves spiders

 

are spiders technically bugs?

they always tend to ask

even though that’s not

the most appropriate question

 

the point is:

she saves love!

 

as if it were spiders

 

and I am saved by our

mutual confusion

with coleslaw

 

MEANWHILE:

all these things

in need of saving

 

bet their savings

on the avoidance

of straight jackets

 

while I continue………..

 

tumbling

between a not so subtle void

and her nail polish

as everything else

keeps popping

 

#ouch,asIn

 

This world is burning my dick off

 

but because tonight

her nail polish

is blue

and there’s still a chance

the neighbor’s dogs

will stop barking

and did I forget

to mention here

that her nail

polish is

blue?!

 

maybe I’ll be ok

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my penis is like a penis

21 Feb

deadpool

my penis is like a penis

 

my penis is like a penis

it does everyday stuff

it goes to work

and comes home

it watches Netflix movies

and falls asleep on the couch

reading The Body Snatchers and Salinger

and all that

 

but when it was with you

my penis wasn’t like a penis

its status was elevated to something related

to a beloved pop culture icon

as if, when we were together

my penis starred on a hit TV show with your vagina

in which my penis’s ego was constantly accentuated

and it had grown accustomed to the applause

 

but after you left it was like your vagina took over the TV show

and you recast my dick

and now almost nobody’s interested in its autograph anymore

 

I mean there’s still interest maybe, but it’s nothing like the old days

 

with you I think my dick was a instant classic

like Laurence Olivia doing just a little bit of cocaine

 

Grief!, you greedy bastard…………………

 

on the up side, my penis

can watch old episodes of The Incredible Hulk now

whenever it wants

(historical note: her vagina wasn’t into The Incredible Hulk)

 

even though it should be in there cleaning the dishes

because I’m out of clean dishes

and the car’s overdue for an oil change again

and shit, my penis hasn’t even seen Deadpool yet

because it’s so hard

to go outside

 

Hell, my dick

really needs to pull its stuff together

unless it wants to spend the rest of its life

alone eating off paper plates and riding the bus

 

until all of a sudden another 25 years has gone by

and it finds itself gumming cream corn

in an Old Dicks Home

waiting to get Alzheimers

 

so it can forget about all those

James Garner scenes in The Notebook

because my penis doesn’t relate to James Garner

 

my penis feels more like Ryan Gossling

swinging from the top of the ferris wheel

trying to impress a girl

 

I mean, it’s not too late too change things

 

my wiener’s already got the ferris wheel locked down

and the swinging

the only thing it’s missing these days

 

is the girl

His Love Was Like Tacos

14 Feb

taco

His Love Was Like Tacos

 

He made love

like he made tacos

 

with his pants shelled down

above his ankles, a little jar strapped

to the side of his ass meant to hold tips in,

 

and a glob of store bought guacamole

non-competently served on the side

like green lube

 

His love was like tacos

and his tacos were below average looking

and the lettuce smelled like yesterday’s ashtrays

and the shredded cheese smelled like pictures

of his old college roommates crotch

 

and the hot sauce was no longer interested

in being his emergency contact

and the tomatoes never deserved her

 

because her love was a highly-evolved-canvassed photo

which accurately channeled the magic

of stuff like horror movies and Selma Hayek dance moves

in From Dusk Till Dawn

and owned its own gummy ring bar

and shit

 

but his love was like tacos and his tacos had

an ass that had ass hair that looked like the bottom of a taco

wearing a couple of cheap toupees

 

his tacos were hairy and balding

all at the same time

like everything’s hairy and balding

at times maybe

but that doesn’t side-shuck the fact

that his love was like tacos

and his tacos weren’t worthy

his tacos dodged the draft

at Armageddon

 

his tacos

sucked

at everything

 

his tacos were lame