There’s A Big Cloud In My Pants

30 Jul

Trump pants


There’s A Big Cloud In My Pants

(another translation of a poem by Mayakovsky as if mistranslated by Donald Trump)


There’s a big cloud in my pants

when I’m not with you


People assume the bulge

is my penis

which it is

but there’s also a cloud in there too

a really big one


Because when you’re not around

frankly, I get gloomy

ergo: my crotch gets gloomy too


How gloomy?

That’s a ridiculous question

Let’s just say


You wouldn’t want to be playing

golf down there, in the type of weather

that goes on in my pants

when I miss you


We’re talking storm clouds and thunder

and once in a while it rains gravel

which my doctor assures me is normal

for a man of my age

and self confidence

which is just the Russian English way of saying

my pants wouldn’t fit like this

if you’d just stopped going away like you do


Where are you right now?

Are you even listening?


There’s a cloud in my pants

and it’s raining cotton shaped opera


Believe me,

my cumulo starts going nimbus over here


Exclamation point

exclamation point

exclamation point


Every time

that you’re



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