There’s A Big Cloud In My Pants

30 Jul

Trump pants

 

There’s A Big Cloud In My Pants

(another translation of a poem by Mayakovsky as if mistranslated by Donald Trump)

 

There’s a big cloud in my pants

when I’m not with you

 

People assume the bulge

is my penis

which it is

but there’s also a cloud in there too

a really big one

 

Because when you’re not around

frankly, I get gloomy

ergo: my crotch gets gloomy too

 

How gloomy?

That’s a ridiculous question

Let’s just say

 

You wouldn’t want to be playing

golf down there, in the type of weather

that goes on in my pants

when I miss you

 

We’re talking storm clouds and thunder

and once in a while it rains gravel

which my doctor assures me is normal

for a man of my age

and self confidence

which is just the Russian English way of saying

my pants wouldn’t fit like this

if you’d just stopped going away like you do

 

Where are you right now?

Are you even listening?

 

There’s a cloud in my pants

and it’s raining cotton shaped opera

 

Believe me,

my cumulo starts going nimbus over here

 

Exclamation point

exclamation point

exclamation point

 

Every time

that you’re

gone

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