Notes On The Ejaculation Patterns Of The Domesticated Yeti

27 Oct

chili

Notes On The Ejaculation Patterns Of The Domesticated Yeti

 

Warning:

 

If you believe the things said by a Yeti

Yetis can only cum once/one time

per day/over the course of an orderly 24 hours

 

which sounds like Trump facts/entirely made up

that’s like a 4 legged spider trying to convince the world

that all spiders are half-legged or a scorpion trying to pass

itself off as Brad Pitt

 

it’s safe to say one should not trust a Yeti

because they seem to believe all sorts of crazy shit

like grooming is for suckers

and their moms get to meet everybody flagrantly

and grown men who are pretty damn charming

most likely dress like Beatniks

in cliché turtlenecks and berets

 

the Yeti insists that it can only cum once!

to which common sense and science screams: Fuck that!

a domesticated Yeti, maybe

one who lives in a parent subsidized house cave

not trimming his outer ear beards

and butchering the English language

in an attempt to sound impressive

when all the fuck he had to say was

wow

 

that one cum thing may be true of the domesticated Yeti

but non-domesticated Yetis

the ones who live in the wild

I hear they cum all the time!

when they wake up

while brushing their teeth

while watching New Girl

each time they catch a mountain squirrel

or a trout

 

the un-domesticated Yeti can cum upwards of 23 times

throughout the course of a 24 hour day

 

the domesticated Yeti appears unable to relate to all that

the domesticated Yeti doesn’t hunt for its food,

subsisting on previously prepared Irish cuisine,

freezer burned tacos, and gently used urinal cakes

 

the domesticated Yeti has evolved itself

into a gargled and insecure beast

who can only cum once per earthly rotation

and feels the need to verbally criticize

that which is obviously perfect in an attempt

to show its own ego who’s boss

 

the domesticated Yeti shits awkwardly long words

from its mouth like a pampered thesaurus made out of diarrhea

and the butts of cigarettes

 

the domesticated Yeti votes for Gary Johnson

indisposed of the fact that Gary Johnson is ridiculous

and even the non-domesticated Yeti have united behind

the universal understanding that nature and the vast cities

which cup the balls of nature must put aside their various grievances

in a cohesive effort to defeat Trump

 

because it’s important to fight for what’s important

the domesticated Yeti doesn’t get that

the domesticated Yeti pontificates upon bullshit while letting

the good things get away

the domesticated Yeti lacks the sexually recuperative properties

which all other sentient life on this planet either cherish

or take for granted

the domesticated Yeti is such a dick

 

“I didn’t know you knew so much about Yetis” Rain-a told Marles

 

“Yeah. When I’m not thinking about being inside you, I think of

other stuff like Yetis and dress shoes…..”

 

Rain-a laughed and looked out the window. “How many times

do you think we can fuck before it gets dark?” she asked Marles

 

“More times than a domesticated Yeti, I promise you that.” Marles said

before utilizing his spoon to scoop the last bits of potato chicken chili

off his plate.

 

Rain-a laughed again while pushing

her own plate off the table. “Let’s get to it, then!”

 

So they did

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