A Month Without Nickel

9 Mar

A Month Without Nickel

 

Sleep is an old vacuum cleaner from the 1950’s

The kind they used to sell door to door

Most now buried and the ones still around

Don’t really work anymore

 

And when I do sleep

The dreams eat all the floors

Until I wake up perpetually exhausted again

With no safe place left to stand

 

I miss everything about her

Even the things that used to piss me off

 

I miss her reverse Hitler mustache

And the way she’d leave old action figure twist ties

And other random shit like ham in the middle of my futon

For me to find when I returned home from work on the weekdays

 

I miss the way she used to follow me everywhere

When I was in a bad mood and she’s slap her paw

Against me face every time my face needed slapping

 

In that way she had

That seemed to say

Hey, we’re alive

 

Life is hard

But we’ve got each other

Cat logic goddamn it

We’re gonna be ok

 

I don’t have that anymore

I’ve lost my best friend

And that reassurance that came

With the two of us simply

Being together in the same room

 

I miss the way she’d crawl beneath the blankets

On the long nights when my mind was surrounded

By all the beautiful things that have left me

 

I miss the way she’d chase me up the stairs

And I miss the way she’d manage to break into the basement

And I miss the way she’d scream for cat treats

At the top of her lungs when she was breathing

 

Nickel,

 

I miss you so much

That I have a hard time believing that you’re gone

And fuck I’m so sorry

I took you for granted

When I took you that way

 

Like we tend to take

All the things that keep us going

For granted

 

You’re buried in the back yard now

 

And I’m whatever I am

And I am now also the backyard

You’re buried in me

 

And I will carry you until

Until my legs turn to dust

And then I’ll carry you some more

 

Because fuck it

Death cannot stop us

Because I refuse to let it

 

And I know

Wherever you are

That you refuse to let it

To stop you too

 

And p.s. also

Shutter Island also misses you madly

And says: hello

 

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