Drinking at the Bad Daddy’s Bar Before Watching Godzilla

 

Drinking at the Bad Daddy’s Bar Before Watching Godzilla

 

In this new film

like he does in the old ones

Godzilla’s fighting multiple monsters

 

and while I prefer the old Rubber Suit versions

and prefer the Stop Motion kind over all else

I’m excited to see Rodan and Mothra again

 

Even in these modern day iterations of CGI

shooting cell phones out of their nostrils,

popping up out of oceans of chilled cucumber water,

and duking it out like a gaggle of useless

YouTube influencers talking about pants

like it was jazz

 

Godzilla is still Godzilla

 

Godzilla is the monster that pre-dates

safe spaces and Tucker Carlson’s hate speak

 

Godzilla is the goddamn Mueller Report

America’s been rooting for

 

Godzilla doesn’t care if President Touch Of Sun

is the president and therefore legally

un-prosecutable under ruthless circumstances

 

Godzilla knows only blue flames and justice

 

and how many fish a thing that big

needs to eat in one day and how long

to hold its breath underwater

 

Godzilla will take King Trumpdorah down

 

That 3 headed bullshit’r, with his

baggy suit tails and red tie tongues

that hangs down to the opposite side

of his butt

 

Godzilla will take back reality

 

Godzilla will scream his own theme song

into a sky made out of one big ear

 

Godzilla will speak rationally to the irrational

until they recover their own rationality

and weep grilled cheese

 

Godzilla will settle down again someday

But not tonight

And probably not the day that follows after

 

Godzilla is preternaturally afraid of getting

his heart broken again

 

like Sisyphus’s old slinky

gloomily crawling down

this endless flight of stairs

 

Godzilla finds himself not wanting to be thinking

about this shit again

 

So he does a quick scream

at the 1970-ish poster of Faye Dunaway

that the Irradiated Cockroach shaped Corporations

that own these sorts of establish-mutts

choose to hang on the walls

of the men’s bathrooms

 

and he moves on to thinking

about something else

 

Godzilla is thinking about ordering

the fried pickle appetizers

 

But what if he goes to his own movie

and they have the Godzilla collectable popcorn tin?

 

If that happens, he’s gonna have to get popcorn

and that would mean

salt on top of salt

 

one horrible thing

on top of another horrible thing

equals at least one too many horrible things

 

So Godzilla lets the fried pickles go

 

Godzilla has Skittles hidden in his pocket

He’d forgotten all about that until recently

Recently being: three or four seconds ago

 

Popcorn would probably get along

just fine with Skittles

 

Godzilla doesn’t smile  outwardly,

but in his consciousness,

a smile forms in his mind

 

A dinner worthy of this King of the Monsters

 

But what time is it?

An hour and a little while

before the start of the show

 

Godzilla knows this

  1. Because it’s his movie, and
  2. Because he’s wearing his enemy-monster-proof watch

 

Fossil, King Of The Watches

 

Rolexes are for jerks

whose time on this Earth

has a small penis

 

Godzilla looks at his bar tab thus far:

$8.68 for a couple of monster sized Coors Lights

 

Godzilla’s also currently on a medium dose

of anti-anxiety medication

ergo: he’s got a pretty good buzz

 

Godzilla knows all the words

to every song that’s played on the jukebox

in the last 4 minutes

 

Godzilla lives in a modest-shit apartment

and hasn’t had to mow a yard in over 20 years

 

Godzilla hasn’t seen a female monster naked

since, what, somewhat

early, into the Administration of Trump?

 

I wonder if they still have nipples?

Godzilla thinks to himself, after tipping

the bartender

 

and wishing he’d remembered

to grab his only jean jacket before leaving the apartment

earlier in the day

 

thus ending

this poem with

a regret

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