Tag Archives: Alien

My Balls Are Longer Than They Used To Be

21 Aug


My Balls Are Longer Than They Used To Be


Not that I’ve ever measured my balls

with a ruler

or a step ladder

or a metrically precise piece of tape


Who’d think to do that?


It’s just, my birthday was last month

and on my birthday

at some point in which my pants weren’t on

I happened to look down

and noticed

my balls are longer than they used to be


I can’t back this up with science

or a pertinent song by Rob Thomas

I just know that they are

like I knew Trump would try to nuke North Korea

to divert attention away from all his domestic time bombs

or how I knew she was leaving

a whole lot of months before

she was actually gone


I looked down, on my birthday

and they were longer

longer than I remembered them being

There it is


Possible reasons for the elongation:


–after the 2nd divorce I stopped wearing underpants

for 5 or 6 years maybe until this year

where I started wearing them again

(even though I’m not wearing any right now)

(I was just wearing a pair earlier


so there)


Could this extended lack of under stuff support

have something to do with it?


–Perhaps it’s just that vindictive combination

of gravity and the mortal extension of time


That’ll do it


— I watched Alien Covenant 3 times in 5 days at the theater

Also I stopped eating cereal a really long time ago and

I live alone with a cat named after an island that doesn’t exist


Is this why I wake up every morning now

and my balls are this long?

Not that they’re ridiculously long or something like that

They’re not

They’re just longer

Than I thought they would be


I mean, what was I trying to say here?

I don’t know. Maybe the point is:

And that’s why I don’t play softball anymore


you think so?


don’t be fraught


LV 425 1/2

17 Jun

jon b j


LV425 1/2


my dick caught

in sorrow’s mouth

and its own zipper

at the exact same time


your vagina willingly capsized

on the shores of another man’s

coconut clipped island

3 blocks from the last time

my chest broke open like a cracked comb


Moscow Russia

as opposed to

Moscow Spain


we were in love like drunken geography

and every goddamn metaphor for love

ever used in every song

ever sung by a long haired Jon Bon Jovi

and then some


but then Pluto ceased being a planet

in textbooks and you stopped loving me

or something like that


you stopped loving me

to the point where I get it

but still limp


like a swimming pool

going down on a plate

of Young Guns 2 movie reviews

between H.R. Gieger’s deathbed

and the last bottle on earth

of diet cherry







(from The Planet Poems Or Something Like That)