Tag Archives: Batman

Casablanca 2: Trump-World Boogaloo

2 Oct


Casablanca 2: Trump-World Boogaloo



The moon’s going out tonight

and can’t decide between a bulletproof vest

or a straight jacket and tights


(She had the attention span of a corn chip

and my heart is guacamole)



All I’ve got left is a green Batman t-shirt

and a busted piano that only plays one song

While you’re over there with your new fella


Decked out in your sexy bomb shelter

Almost-nakedly debating between oblivion, Phil Collins

singing about mushroom clouds and The Cure


Romance is at war with all the things that happen in the real world

Rewound into the 1940’s

Love’s plane keeps getting shot down by brand new Nazis

Kurt Vonnegut said everything: “So it goes”



Casablanc-all this confusion that comes from all our lives

lived inside the in-between

(When you drove away I crumbled

against the door

like a slain cookie smashed by the very plate

that had sworn it its love)


Casablanc-all that gets lost between the non-existing

And the injustice that thrives in its binding


Casablanc-the penultimate dick joke,

that had nothing to do with cookies

but shit, you’ll have to trust me

It’s a dick joke, so it’s funny


Casablanc-us all


If You Stare At My Nose Long Enough It Looks Like A Penis

4 Sep


If You Stare At My Nose Long Enough It Looks Like A Penis


I only just noticed this yesterday


Between Trump vs. North Korea and a bad dream

Involving all the women who’ve left me vs. all the women

I’ve let down and I’ve been living with my nose now

For a really long time, still

I remember it looking other ways, but

Holy Dick Flakes, Batman!

I have no stuffed box memory of it ever

Remotely looking like this


And for the past 10 years of so I’ve been paying attention

Because Richard Brautigan wrote a poem about it

And it’s a good one

About his nose and how it was growing older

And I was a young lad at the time, suddenly horrified

By something that had not occurred to me

When I thought all the horrible things about everything

had already occurred to me, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh


Youth is an endless procession of discovering

One brand new horrible thing you’ve never thought about

after another, day after day

Until the day’s become years and

The years become Grape Tic Tacs

And untouched jars of Chicken Tonight

And the Chicken Tonight becomes oblivion


So every year I get older, if I remember

I’ll occasionally check to see if that face part is getting older

Faster than the rest of the things

I’ve been on the lookout for the Brautification of my nose

For a reasonably measured amount of time


And before tonight, things had been fine as far as that area goes

But tonight things have changed again

And not in the way poetically expected

It doesn’t look older, it’s just………….


Tonight my nose looks like a penis


Fuck it

“So it goes” as KV used to say

But things weren’t always like this


My nose didn’t always look like a penis


At one point it looked like my favorite Foghorn Leghorn cartoon

At one point it looked like King Kong attempting to protect Fay Wray

And at one point, as I got older

It looked like the Bat Symbol

And every time it went down on her Gotham City

It was beautiful, and

Love would save the day


It’s been a long time now

Between tonight where my nose looks like a penis

And those past times when it last donned the cowl


It’d be too easy to blame Ben Affleck for this

So we won’t blame him, or will we?!

It doesn’t matter


Tonight, if you stare at my nose long enough

it looks like a penis

So be it


Though I still may or may not boycott the new Justice League movie

I still think of you often

every time I sneeze

My 45 Year Old Penis vs. The Penis Of My Youth

25 Mar

My 45 Year Old Penis vs. The Penis Of My Youth


Where do we start here?


Do we start with girth? Ok, Wait! This poem interrupted

By today’s news that Trumpcare failed to make it off its own runway

Or into the connected sex pool


Or through the front gates of its cold hearted corporate owned

Slaughterhouse of money-first-doom

And now Paul Ryan looks worse than sad Ben Affleck


After the shitty reviews

Of Superman Martha’s Batman had poured in

Trump’s been forced to double the dose of his daily denial enemas


In an attempt to convince himself and everyone else

That he didn’t just lose BIGLY! because losing is for losers

And he’s not one of them guys, he’s a kung fu narcissist


Which means he couldn’t have been defeated so BIG LEAUGE! today

Unless he really wanted to be

Which means he must have planned it this way


Which means: HA!


And if that wasn’t enough

Mayte’s written a memoir of her love

and life with Prince?!


I had no idea how much

I wanted to read this thing

Until I just now found out that it exists



I mean shit, I’m in such a good mood right now

I don’t want to do what I’d just sat down and started doing


I just wanna listen to a whole bunch of Prince tunes

and read Vonnegut and write something else after

something else


I don’t feel like talking about my dick right now

We can talk about my dick later

Today was a good day


While Watching Birdman (or: and also a couple of scenes from Jaws 3)

6 Mar


note: the following was written a few nights ago by Jonathan Montgomery, Shayna Lynn, and me after reading poetry on the radio (link to listen pasted down below) and then going back to my place and watching Birdman.

While Watching Birdman (or: and also a couple of scenes from Jaws 3)


“You’re drinking? “I’m having a beer.”


I’m having a Batman


My hairpiece removes 20 drinking years


While also looking back fondly on the days

when we couldn’t turn our neck


I’m having a Hulk

–the better one


Make it a double green

like shamrocked ass cheeks


with extra why-me?

and shaken angry/not stirred


Ok! Look who just walked in the theater bar…


A chance at being heard

leaving behind a telekinetic scene


screaming things like:

I want to hide my pot

in your peanut butter!


And ‘It’s only real if I’m hard’

“I need to feel real”


He can only fuck if they’re watching


so if you’d

you know,

like to look at me later

that’d take care of the watching


That’s hard too. Get self respect!


that’s how you keep yourself

on the edge of “did I

just do that?”


That’s how you make

a gravy & tomato sandwich

when all you’ve got is bread


(Who wrote this?)


The drunk on the stage

begging for flour


I am my busted nose’s

worst dream


I’m not afraid to bleed

When is he going to fly?


maybe as soon as it stops

snowing outside


Is there gonna be a blow scene?


Hold on a voice is talking to me


(Deep growl) Truth or Dare:

stick the long tracking shot

part of my penis

all the way into your mouth


He can only fuck when they’re watching

“Let em watch she says”

Is this my finest hair piece?


This is what we talk about

when we talk about

watching two people eat soup


one person takes turns being

the spoon

the other person takes turns

being the mouth


The critic Campbell’s labels

her actless opinions


Everyone gets fifteen minutes

of Warhol


which will take at least 30 minutes

of whisky to wash the Warhol out


Technicolor stew pot situations

the Birdman will rise again


I’m Birdman!


Everything we’ve ever lost

is Birdman!


the sock stuck behind the dryer


the cereal that falls on the floor

and rolls under the fridge



The guy you used to know

who was half-bird


is half bird man

like your love for me,

half Birdman


maybe your affections are

a seagull gliding over the ocean


or a jellyfish




The final act is a toaster

on number 6

Croutons or cracker bang?


the toast gets confused

but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t love you

even though it doesn’t love you



goes the toast


Big baby’s a banger

hope he wins a Tony


and if not a Tony

at the very least

a Ralph


Hope he gets a beak

for a new nose

or maybe a Joker face


or a new nose that can tell

the difference between Twitter

and my life in paint


a Darwinian adaptation

bright yellow or orange



A nose as big as

the nose building

in New York City


a face the size of daydreams


Cauliflower clouded

the few, did you see?


And landed with a

symbol crash?


the natives,

being no fan of percussions,

shot arrows into the very

heart of things


Birdman doesn’t eat seeds


But Seed-Man eats birds


and Seedbird eats man

when it’s on sale


And Jaws eats man whenever


Da nunn, Da nunn…

3D fish head

I didn’t need that leg anyways


we’ll just forward to the part

where he eats in the tube




(Michael Keaton, we love you)



radio link: