Tag Archives: Brautigan

If You Stare At My Nose Long Enough It Looks Like A Penis

4 Sep


If You Stare At My Nose Long Enough It Looks Like A Penis


I only just noticed this yesterday


Between Trump vs. North Korea and a bad dream

Involving all the women who’ve left me vs. all the women

I’ve let down and I’ve been living with my nose now

For a really long time, still

I remember it looking other ways, but

Holy Dick Flakes, Batman!

I have no stuffed box memory of it ever

Remotely looking like this


And for the past 10 years of so I’ve been paying attention

Because Richard Brautigan wrote a poem about it

And it’s a good one

About his nose and how it was growing older

And I was a young lad at the time, suddenly horrified

By something that had not occurred to me

When I thought all the horrible things about everything

had already occurred to me, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh


Youth is an endless procession of discovering

One brand new horrible thing you’ve never thought about

after another, day after day

Until the day’s become years and

The years become Grape Tic Tacs

And untouched jars of Chicken Tonight

And the Chicken Tonight becomes oblivion


So every year I get older, if I remember

I’ll occasionally check to see if that face part is getting older

Faster than the rest of the things

I’ve been on the lookout for the Brautification of my nose

For a reasonably measured amount of time


And before tonight, things had been fine as far as that area goes

But tonight things have changed again

And not in the way poetically expected

It doesn’t look older, it’s just………….


Tonight my nose looks like a penis


Fuck it

“So it goes” as KV used to say

But things weren’t always like this


My nose didn’t always look like a penis


At one point it looked like my favorite Foghorn Leghorn cartoon

At one point it looked like King Kong attempting to protect Fay Wray

And at one point, as I got older

It looked like the Bat Symbol

And every time it went down on her Gotham City

It was beautiful, and

Love would save the day


It’s been a long time now

Between tonight where my nose looks like a penis

And those past times when it last donned the cowl


It’d be too easy to blame Ben Affleck for this

So we won’t blame him, or will we?!

It doesn’t matter


Tonight, if you stare at my nose long enough

it looks like a penis

So be it


Though I still may or may not boycott the new Justice League movie

I still think of you often

every time I sneeze


Tomorrow is June 30th, June 30th

30 Jun


Tomorrow Is June 30th, June 30th


On June 30th’s

I always feel like I’m standing in Tokyo

but I’ve never been to Tokyo

so where I’m standing is a place

that I’ve made up based on words,

stock footage,

and missing you

in my head


on June 30th’s I live in a dream


and in the dream the sun looks like the moon

and the moon looks like a ball full of cats

purring along to the opening notes

of early Bon Jovi                  (Tokyo Road)


everything that’s shitty about everything

gets replaced by bowling trophies, sombreros

and trout


because in this dream

Brautigan put the gun down

and traded in all thoughts of pulling the trigger

for another shot of love and whiskey

and an entire library

of more time


in the dream Brautigan’s still breathing

he’s 81 years old

and the reason the world doesn’t know

he’s still around

is he’s been living

in my basement


on June 30th’s

he comes upstairs

and we watch Planet of the Apes

with the sound down


and write dick poems

about Charlton Heston

until we’re both too drunk

to spell ‘dick’ right


or we pretend the cats speak

Japanese and that’s why we don’t know

what they’re saying


one time we ordered a pizza

but our order got mixed up

and they brought us the Empire State Building instead


so for the rest of the day

we lived in the Empire State Building

and took turns being King Kong


until our hearts

had been made

out of bullet holes


and whoever the fuck

dream-owns the Empire State Building

kicked us out




(written while listening to 7800 Degrees Fahrenheit/Bon Jovi)