Tag Archives: crayons

Caring Tan

13 Jun

Caring Tan

 

The sun clung to her skin

like a marching band in soft slippers

 

and when she walked by

the whole world turned into headphones

because she was playing my favorite song

 

it was a marching band version

so it had that tone, and too many trumpets

staring into their cell phones as

the trombones utterly butchered the verses

 

Shit! It’s still a great song though,

no matter how you play it

I counted all the big drums

 

until she was gone

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Grass Bat

5 Jun

Grass Bat

 

Her hair was the color of yesterday’s favorite chew toy

and his eyes reminded her of a blue crayon

left to die in the mud

 

their love held on like a bat made out of grass

they lived in a cave surrounded by lawnmowers

but they had a defensive arsenal of dvds

 

and compensable sex parts

and for a while the lawnmowers couldn’t get them

until eventually even the cave turned against them

 

because nothing lasts forever except war

and that goddamn Celine Dion song

I mean, fuck, it just goes on forever

 

unlike the grass bats

a grass bat has the shelf life of a sensitive mammal

made out of uprooted plant clippings

 

(fuck) all these goddamn every day-by-day extinctions

(historic note: that’s how watching

For Your Eyes Only alone was invented)

 

the grass bats are gone

Bank Butt

3 Jun

Bank Butt

 

Hey, Bank Butt

 

Is that where you keep your cautiously-horded investments these days?

Because I’m in need of some saving

and I wouldn’t have thought of keeping it there

 

I’d like to apply for a debit card

What exactly would be the process………….Wait!

I mean, if I ain’t thought of something like that already

(ergo: stashing such things in the butt)

What other things have I forgot to think about?

 

(insert alternate curse-type word for ‘shit and/or fuck: there)

 

What if sharks love Rice Crispy Treats more than people?

My penis is not bigger than that cake pan, damn it

How long has it been again exactly, that I’ve been this

alone?

 

Bank Butts,

A new term made to represent a robot’s interpretation of color

but (not butt)

what are robots supposed to know about finance and anaL?

 

Finance: Shit, most likely a bunch, actually

(Historical Note: as soon as the robots learn greed

like the robots have already learned greed: we’re fucked)

Anal: either,

Pretty much everything there is to be known about all of it

(I miss you)

or …………. nothing at all

Unmellow Yellow

8 Aug

chewie

Unmellow Yellow

 

Han Solo had a 10 Parsec

 

long dong

vertically hairy

and Black Vest-idly

strong

 

He named it Chewbacca

and the Chewbacca you remember

from childhood is a figment

of Han Solo’s overly exaggerated mind

 

 

so, as a separate entity, the thick Wookie

that sat beside him co-piloting

the Millenium Falcon

doesn’t actually exist

(not in the way in which we perceive it)

 

 

Chewbacca is in reality a simple manifestation

of Han Solo’s grand thoughts about his own penis

a grand thought

so strong that it became

a shared vision

 

 

we all went along with it

 

It’s like Jimmy Stewart in Harvey

only Jimmy saw the rabbit

 

it’s like that, except on a much larger scale

because Han Solo wasn’t alone

we all saw Chewbacca!

even though he wasn’t there

or, in a sense, he was there

 

but not in the way our culturally connected minds perceived him to be there

 

he was there, in the literal sense, tucked inside

Han Solo’s pants

 

even though we perceived Chewie, as Han Solo did

as an eight foot tall best pal who’s posture slightly

stiffened every time Princess Lea entered and room

and haimishly gargled at all of Han’s jokes

 

we all saw it, ergo:

we’re all

in every sense

and in all actuality

totally nuts

 

and speaking of nuts

what kind of man nicknames his dick

Chewie?

 

The Unmellow Universe

is not only a coward

and hesitantly expanding

 

it’s judging us, about shit like this

unjustly

and thinking things like

if it had it to do all over again

 

it would’ve liked to have gotten a degree in Psychology

or something like that

 

instead of becoming what it is

an enormously nervous Tea Cup

that contains Everything

 

including Cocky Bastards

with Talking Teddy Bear dick

fantasies

 

so powerful

that everyone he comes

into celluloid contact with

 

as if dazzled by the variant amount

of loneliness and special effects

 

winds up believing

in the fantasy

too

Neon Carrot

19 Jul

 

 

Neon Carrot

 

in the vegetable garden

of this evening’s cracked sanity

there’s something wrong with these

goddamned carrots!

 

the local rabbits who subsist on such things

have grown talk shows on their knee caps

and their piss has turned the color

of Jay Leno’s chin

 

a humorless shade of pink marshmallows

and overpriced car wax

 

the Experts suggest Pesticides

 

and the Pesticides suggest Experts

 

which leads me to believe it’s all just

one big con job and the fucking thin skins

are in on this thing together

 

so instead of fumigating between hillsides

which at this point

would be futile

I grab another notebook

and start over

 

The air smells like robot shadows

and laundry mat solar flares

 

as I write something down about the air

smelling like robot shadows and laundry mats

 

and try my best to avoid eye contact

with these goddamn radioactive carrots

 

that have taken over

too much

almost everything

that’s been left

 

in our ground

Poor Me

28 Dec

theflypic5

poor me

life overhears everything
the sounds of

your voice on a telephone
talking

about calendars and your
need to let go

rainbows go color blind
rivers get lost

birds become allergic
to the sky

the sun gets laid
off

the ground puts on
a jacket

dandelions mistake pepsi
for coke

crayons lose their way
back to the wax

butterflies de-evolve into walking
sticks of margarine

and where am I in all
of this

I’m the guy standing at the
front of the line

it’s my turn to lose you

tree lines catch pneumonia and develop
an aversion for pixie sticks

I don’t want to let you
go

 

 

 

(from my book Beautiful Graveyards, Farfalla Press)