getinthecarhelen

           Superman’s mad at Batman because every time he bumps into the parentless prick he busts into some fucknut speech about how Superman isn’t living up to his Kryptonian potential and how every time he parks the Batmobile outside the Daily Planet Batman sits there for a little while before going in, dreaming that Superman won’t be there, that his desk’ll be cleared out and Perry White’ll be screaming because Superman’s left to do something really important on account of the Newspaper Industry’s dead and if he was really interested in saving the world he’d throw all his alien spandex power into Cable TV because “Breaking Bad’s over! How’s the world supposed to live with the gap?!” and when Superman tries to tell him to fuck off Batman gets all up in his face threatening to put the Supe’s Justice League membership on Lay-A-Way, and he’s all “I swear if you don’t spunk up I’m gonna put it on Lay-A-Way!” and Superman’s like “You best roll out of my face rich boy” but what he actually says is more like “I don’t know what that means!” but Batman won’t let up and stuff so Superman reaches a point like we all reach a point and punches Batman so goddamn hard that he goes sailing into the air, landing thousands of miles away in Africa where the next day he wakes up delirious in the middle of a bleak coffee farm with an outrageous case of syphilis, hallucinating Robert Redford with Alfred standing over him and Alfred’s all “I am Alfred, Sabu” and Batman’s all “Christ, I thought we’d agreed to grow dairy” before luxuriously passing out into dreams of blond-headed biplanes and the Jokerless face scars of a Mombasa strip mall where dead parents thrive and wealthy little white kids always get their way while meanwhile, back in Metropolis Lois Lane’s getting it on with Wonder Woman and it’s amazing because there’re two of everything, four of everything in some cases I mean BOOBS ARE EVERYWHERE but when it comes to that point upon which the height of their simultaneous orgasms have come knocking both women scream out the name ‘Clark!’ at the same time and then also at the same time both women immediately get really pissed and because Superman has Super Hearing and is also a bit of an alien farm boy perv he’s been listening to the entire thing and because, depending on which comic book storyline you’ve been reading, he’s technically been sleeping with both ladies during the same timeframe though be it at separate never-both-of-them-at-the-same-time-together-different-times Superman decides it might be best to hide out for a little while until bra straps are re-strapped and everyone has a chance to calm down so he slips into the nearest theater where they’re playing Daredevil for some goddamn reason and Superman’s all “What is this shit? Ben Affleck is fucking terrible. Whoever cast this should be banished to the Forbidden Zone because nobody wants to see this schmuk walking around like he’s a superhero.” and at that moment Zack Snyder pulls his dick out of the $8 hooker named General Public he’s been fucking for 10 seconds because he’s got this strange feeling that somebody’s out there screaming at him again and when the hooker says something like “What’s wrong baby?” Zack Snyder says “Nothing” and goes back to his fucking and two and a half seconds after that the hooker dies from a broken heart and un-stimulated vagina and another three seconds after that Zack Snyder cums.

Tags: Batman vs Superman, Ben Affleck, Get in the car Helen, Good Will Hunting, Lay-A-Way, Out of Africa, writing, Zack Snyder cum