Tag Archives: life

Damn Those Torpedoes (for Tom Petty)

8 Oct

 

Damn Those Torpedoes

aka So This Is Home

 

Existence is a sinking island

Circled by something inspired by battleships

That’ve been bombing the shit out of everything

 

Ever since roughly

around 3 and a half minutes

After the invention of whatever all this is

 

Let’s call it everything!

Let’s call it home!

 

Everyone alive at the moment living between oblivions

on the sinking island have their own theories about the battleships

and what the purpose of their bombing the life out of all of us is intended to be

 

Some people think it has something to do with faith

(note to self: remember to re-watch The Ten Commandments

and other Charlton Heston movies like I’m Charlton Heston and Soylent Green)

 

Some people think it has something to do with mathematics

(note to self: remember to re-watch Good Will Hunting)

 

Some people think it’s all about hamburgers screaming and nothingness

(note to self: remember to re-watch porn)

 

I happen to think that your eyes are constitutionally perfect

In all the ways possible, and I’m being serious

Do people still say things like ‘stunning’ anymore?

 

(“I liked the way we danced.” – The Legend of Bagger Vance)

 

That’s funny, because

I still happen to think that the universe is doomed

and your eyes are stunning

In the way those things we love move on

or don’t let us down are stunning

 

and I’d just like to say I’m sorry

I forgot to eat your soufflé

I’m sorry!

 

This poem is supposed to be about Tom Petty!

But, fuck

those eyes, if they were a fucking recording artist they’d be playin’

with The Heartbreakers right now

(ok now, here we are, back on track)

 

(the absence of many words here now meant to represent silence)

 

I want to tit fuck your eyes

Whoops, we’re heading someplace else now

where Tom Petty’s still dead and tomorrows are a recurring myth and

 

If I had one wish right now

that had nothing to do with fixing what’s wrong in this world

and everything, I’d want to tit fuck your eyes

 

Is there a more politically correct way to say this?

 

I want to tit fuck your eyes

With words shaped like my penis

 

There, now I’ve said it

Let’s get back to Tom Petty and those goddamn battleships

with their existence ending cannons

 

Damn the torpedo that took Tom Petty

when this world really needs him

 

Damn those torpedoes that’ve taken everyone this month

do to hate and gunfire and natural disasters and Trump

 

Damn those torpedoes that take everything away from us

Damn those torpedoes that un-unite humanity

Damn the torpedo that threw me away from you

 

I’d always known all this other horrible shit could happen

(I miss you too, Tom Petty)

But I never thought they’d get away with something like this

 

Those torpedoes managed to take us out too

 

Shit, so

Damn those goddamn torpedoes

#we’llAlwaysHaveWhatWeHadAndDeadwoodbut

 

I’ve been limping like I’ve been waiting in line

for the next slot in the meat locker since then

Which is seriously, ridiculous

 

I’m not giving up or anything, but

Those Tom Petty Damned torpedoes

aren’t fucking around

 

#everytinginchargeisrediculous

 

That was one hell of a shot

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A Year Without Prince: Part 1

28 Apr

A Year Without Prince: Part 1

 

A year?

Sexy-seriously?

(stomp down on that delay pedal)

 

How has it already been a year?

(year year year)

 

Where the fuck

has everything gone?

(oh, right)

(you keep it in there)

(as long as the water’s warm enough/that’s hot)

 

Thirsty?

 

Our whole world’s been swallowed by ego

like it was sloppy joe sauce

or left over wine

 

(what’s this button do?)

(It’s either wired to take down the EPA

or inform the staff that President Parched Asshole

wants another Coke)

 

Things that have pride besides doves:

 

Fascists, fast cars, furiously bald actors,

Bon Jovi, bulldozers, heavy sleepers,

trampolines, outrageous synth solos,

 

winery-s and sandpaper

politicians and the occasional parade

stiff dinner rolls

and hard doom

 

(fast guitar solo)

(outsourced belly dance moment)

(We should continue this conversation over thongs)

 

How many days are there in a year again?!

(primordial scream)

I don’t know

52 seconds and our pants are still on?

(proud keyboard fart)

 

(Easy baby, that thing’s my weiner

not an ice pick)

(whisper) (Better like that

or not better like that?)

 

Things that are never satisfied

besides Prince’s mom:

 

Vampires and jazz licks

truth’s vibrator and pure love

John Mayer’s girlfriends

and overly planned picnics

natural disasters

and tone deaf billionaires

in a park

 

Wake up wide eyes!

(got ta got ta got ta)

 

Harry Styles is a pubic hair trend

not a pop star!

 

Lake Minnetonka isn’t a lake

it’s a goddamn state of mind!

 

Legend has it there was this one night

when Prince danced so hard

the universe cried dead light

and Prince pissed mozzarella and black olives

until the lady he’d hung his heart on screamed

 

Great!

Thanks!

Now I want Pizza!

 

and Prince was like, “Troy, I don’t serve ribs”

and Troy said “I’m not Troy, darling. I’m Prompelunia

and I said pizza big shot, not ribs”

 

And Prince was all, “Sorry. I thought

you were kinda quoting one of my albums. Shit, yeah

(bang down hard on the sus2 chord)

We should get pizza

 

So they did