The Door Was A Lazy Lover

  The Door Was A Lazy Lover   The door was a lazy lover it just splayed there between the walls like a sexy bulldozer not moving in a thong   as he went in and out of it reputedly, with manic gusto or as the curtain rod once called it: sweaty dong vs. misplaced …

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There’s A Big Cloud In My Pants

  There’s A Big Cloud In My Pants (another translation of a poem by Mayakovsky as if mistranslated by Donald Trump)   There’s a big cloud in my pants when I’m not with you   People assume the bulge is my penis which it is but there’s also a cloud in there too a really …

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Dear Pants

  Dear Pants,   I’m sorry I haven’t washed you lately. You smell sorta upset about it, but I swear I can fix this. There’s plenty of detergent just flopping around in the basement. It’s just, I’ve been busy lately. Ok, not busy really. Despondent perhaps. If only because I’m afraid I’m going to misspell …

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A Part Of Me Is Lonely Because Parts Of You Are Gone

A Part Of Me Is Lonely Because Parts Of You Are Gone   His name was Pants. They called him ‘Shorts’ for short. Pants had been working at The Prometheus Tupperware And Other Things That Seal Tight Emporium for several months when his boss walked into the office one morning carrying the 19x12x16 inch tight …

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