Tag Archives: Tom Petty

Damn Those Torpedoes (for Tom Petty)

8 Oct


Damn Those Torpedoes

aka So This Is Home


Existence is a sinking island

Circled by something inspired by battleships

That’ve been bombing the shit out of everything


Ever since roughly

around 3 and a half minutes

After the invention of whatever all this is


Let’s call it everything!

Let’s call it home!


Everyone alive at the moment living between oblivions

on the sinking island have their own theories about the battleships

and what the purpose of their bombing the life out of all of us is intended to be


Some people think it has something to do with faith

(note to self: remember to re-watch The Ten Commandments

and other Charlton Heston movies like I’m Charlton Heston and Soylent Green)


Some people think it has something to do with mathematics

(note to self: remember to re-watch Good Will Hunting)


Some people think it’s all about hamburgers screaming and nothingness

(note to self: remember to re-watch porn)


I happen to think that your eyes are constitutionally perfect

In all the ways possible, and I’m being serious

Do people still say things like ‘stunning’ anymore?


(“I liked the way we danced.” – The Legend of Bagger Vance)


That’s funny, because

I still happen to think that the universe is doomed

and your eyes are stunning

In the way those things we love move on

or don’t let us down are stunning


and I’d just like to say I’m sorry

I forgot to eat your soufflé

I’m sorry!


This poem is supposed to be about Tom Petty!

But, fuck

those eyes, if they were a fucking recording artist they’d be playin’

with The Heartbreakers right now

(ok now, here we are, back on track)


(the absence of many words here now meant to represent silence)


I want to tit fuck your eyes

Whoops, we’re heading someplace else now

where Tom Petty’s still dead and tomorrows are a recurring myth and


If I had one wish right now

that had nothing to do with fixing what’s wrong in this world

and everything, I’d want to tit fuck your eyes


Is there a more politically correct way to say this?


I want to tit fuck your eyes

With words shaped like my penis


There, now I’ve said it

Let’s get back to Tom Petty and those goddamn battleships

with their existence ending cannons


Damn the torpedo that took Tom Petty

when this world really needs him


Damn those torpedoes that’ve taken everyone this month

do to hate and gunfire and natural disasters and Trump


Damn those torpedoes that take everything away from us

Damn those torpedoes that un-unite humanity

Damn the torpedo that threw me away from you


I’d always known all this other horrible shit could happen

(I miss you too, Tom Petty)

But I never thought they’d get away with something like this


Those torpedoes managed to take us out too


Shit, so

Damn those goddamn torpedoes



I’ve been limping like I’ve been waiting in line

for the next slot in the meat locker since then

Which is seriously, ridiculous


I’m not giving up or anything, but

Those Tom Petty Damned torpedoes

aren’t fucking around




That was one hell of a shot


Paraphrasing Tom Petty

13 Oct

Tom+Petty (1)


Paraphrasing Tom Petty


She was fond of the boy she was currently sleeping with, horses

and The United States of America—maybe not in that order

nevertheless: she would celebrate getting finger banged like it was Columbus Day

her vagina sympathized with the Native Americans


her vagina was a highway driving through somebody

else’s backyard just like everything else

a sucker for skateboards while at the mercy of gravity

He felt really bad about the state of his handshake


and that he’d as of yet failed to pursue his dream

of becoming a professional sky writer but these were

the days in which every hour seemed to be named after


some goddamn street sign in California and in every other neighbor’s house

the goddamn dogs refused to stop barking and maybe he did love her

and everything but     THOSE FUCKING DOGS!            he just had to: go

Their Record Player’d Been Lost

13 Oct


Their Record Player’d Been Lost……………..


Their record player’d been lost in the not so great shark attack of 2010

her blood replaced with half step orchestration and strong teeth

his blood replaced with warm chum and what was left of the vinyl

and when I listen to their songs I feel horrible


like overhearing an old sea monster trying to fuck a cave

almost reluctantly, like it’d rather be home hovering above

the ocean floor watching Netflix and pretending to fly helicopters

it loved the cave more than it loved not loving it


but where had that ever got it? did it love it enough to start

trying again? remember when Johnny Depp and Wynona Rider

were in that music video together


for that one Tom Petty song? did it love it enough

to start eating meals at a dinner table and binge watching




Some Bad Alcohol

13 Oct

clash lunchbox

some bad alcohol

yr nipples halfway through a sturdy handle
of Jose Cuervo, drunk dialing Martin Landau
and bidding on really cool shit it doesn’t need on Ebay

my mouth alone on a Friday night
walking to the bar high on used Clash of the Titans
lunch box fumes and quoting lines from Casino Royal

stares out a dirty window between corporately
sponsored neon as the Earth hurtles like a hastily guided
soccer ball towards the thick crotch of the moon

tries to order another drink without wincing while on
the other side of town your nipples download brand new
Tom Petty songs 5 1/2 hours after leaving a drunken voice mail

on my mouth’s answering machine explaining that
the universe is a complicated sandbox, a broken piano
needs constant tuning, and also that we were through